Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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