Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
