I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
