Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
