Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
