idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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