in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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