I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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