Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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