I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so let's talk penis.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
