We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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