I hate all girls vehemently.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
