I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
