I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
