I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
