What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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