i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
