It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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