By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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