if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
