the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
