Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
