I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
