We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize