I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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