using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
