i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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