yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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