Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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