this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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