Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Do ugly people know they are ugly?

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

The quiet ones do.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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(847): View more from Illinois

Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

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(407): View more from Florida

I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.

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(850): View more from Florida

I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish

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(317): View more from Indiana

Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm

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(+61): View more from Australia

go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster

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