I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
