last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
