PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
