fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
