woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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