Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
