ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
