Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
