You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
