for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
