I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
