You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
