I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
