im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
