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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
