You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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