In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
