i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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