The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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