i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
