I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
