So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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