Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
