i wish my penis had a tongue
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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