Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
