the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
