He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
