I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
