First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
