Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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