If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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