im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
