how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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