Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
