I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
