dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
