When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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