i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
