so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
