I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
