I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
