I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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