I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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